It's all in the balance

Since my anti supermom post, I have been thinking and attempting the topic of balance.

I have struggled with the position of stay at home mom. I have always been a employee. In fact, I loved being a employee. I like working long hours, associating with different people, having deadlines and being part of a company that expected and required me to complete tasks. I enjoyed learning and discussing issues with my superiors and problem solving. I had motivation and drive to impress those I worked with and those I worked for.

Then I got pregnant. My employment ended about 6 months into my pregnancy and I was going to have the opportunity to stay at home. My husband loved the idea of me being home and we had agreed that this was that best way for our family to raise our children. Initially, I was extremely excited. I had never really stayed home before and the last few years I had spent in working camps so the idea of being home was different.

Little did I know what rushes of emotion were going to present themselves. Soon I felt guilt because I wasn't providing a substantial income to our families finances. It felt like I was doing nothing to improve our situation. My husband and I swallowed a lot in life really fast and the financial strains were and are still extremely difficult for us to handle. We both went from being very financially independent individuals with our own financial goals to suddenly combining finances. Waves of feelings came over me. I felt like a talentless, lazy, guilty individual which led to a slight depression. Those are still emotions that pop up time to time but I am learning how to deal with them.

I then realized how much work being a stay at mom could be. I had never been so unmotivated in my entire life. My depression got worse as I began to spend days on end on the couch with no energy and no drive.

Being a stay at home mom is harder. Something I had never thought that was possible is that staying at home is harder. There is no one to motivate you, there are no deadlines or expectations except that which you do for yourself.

You have to decide what's for dinner and make it.
No one tells you when to clean your house or wash your hair or when to get out of bed or when to mow the lawn.
No one expects you to stop watching tv or have the laundry folded or the bed made.
No one makes a schedule for you to work out, practice playing the piano or work on a project you would like to finish.

And I realized until I made those expectations of myself and motivated myself to do them, I was going to sit in the same hole I was always going to.

So I tried to be supermom. That obviously didn't go as planned. *See previous post
It lasted a brief moment till I realized it wasn't going to work.

I needed to find a way to motivate myself without overwhelming myself because both extremes are more damaging then helpful. So the last two weeks I have been trying a few things to increase my production and quality as an individual, as a mother and as a housewife. So far I have been seeing good results which I hope will also improve with time. Here are a few things I decided to try:

1)Set goals and a schedule.

Set daily goals. Set weekly goals. Set hourly goals. I wanted to get a realistic list of things I could accomplish within certain time frames. And it totally works. I write them down in my day planner and make little check marks. Oh I love checkmarks.

2)Don't turn on the TV.

I find as soon as I turn on the TV, I lose motivation. Whether it's a show or a movie or anything. As soon as I start to bank couch time, the whole day is suddenly gone.

3) "Forget my cell phone."

I spend a lot of time on my cell phone. I usually try to make sure I have it within an accessible distance but I don't need to be on it every dull second in the doctors office or in the grocery store and so on. My son actually deserves that time more then my phone. Some days I do better then others but it's a work in progress.

4) Start first thing.

For me, lazy mornings make lazy days and there ain't no time for that! If I start right after breakfast, I find it amazing how much I can get accomplished. If I have an appointment in town, I try and make it as early as possible to help me get started..

5) Glam up a bit.

I find that if I put on some makeup or do my hair, I feel better about my day. I don't go all out. Heck, if I get a ponytail, that's an achievement.

6) Go outside.

Stetson is so high energy and loves being outside and when I make it out there, so do I. I have been trying to spend some time outside everyday whether it's a walk or a play at the park or mowing the lawn.

Those are the six things I have been trying to incorporate into my day to make me a happier, more productive, better quality mother and wife. I don't have to do everything. Just something. There is no reason to sit on the couch and watch TV or read all day. My husband deserves more, my children deserve more and I deserve more. If I am to expect anything of them, I must expect something of myself and set an example. Every day is a new beginning and a new challenge. And it's all about balance.