Oh the realities. 7 months ago, I had a beautiful baby boy. He is amazing in all ways. Smart, cute, energetic and he loves me. Oh does he love me. Despite the fact that sometimes my hair doesn't get brushed or my house doesn't get cleaned or that sometimes dinner is less the desirable.
But he also demands the most of me. He demands my sleep time, my patience, my smiles, my energy and my love.
I don't know about other moms but I know about me. 7 months later, I still have no energy, I still cry at commercials, I get overwhelmed and end up sobbing on the floor. My house goes uncleaned, my hair goes unbrushed and sometimes getting up and eating seems the most difficult thing to accomplish.
But I would never take it back and sometimes it it takes me a second to sit back and realize that. Motherhood is the most difficult and straining thing I have ever undertook. Everything inside you wants to be the most perfect, put together, organized housewife there is that accomplishes everything you have set out to do in a day. But I know I can never be that person.
I will never be supermom.
It took me seven months to admit it to myself. I am not sure when I will feel ok again, when I will have my energy back, when I will lose the weight I would like to lose, when I will not cry in lame chick flicks, when the constant throbbing headaches will go away or when my sex drive will come back. But I know I have a little boy and a husband who I love with all my heart.
I have learned that having high expectations of myself and then failing sends me into a deep depression that not only affects me but my family. The guilt that I create in my life could hurt the people I love the most. It sucks the life out of me.
So here is to having real expectations. They won't win me any awards but they will get me through the day and keep me smiling for the people I love. And that is my reality. Lots of times I lose my focus and I forget that I can't be this perfect machine and then I get depressed.
I can't be anyone else, I can only be myself. I am not supermom. I will never be an amazing housewife. But I will do my best everyday to ensure I am happy and my family is happy. And I will get better as I realize that life is what you make it, not how much you appear to accomplish. I have much to learn and there is lots of room to grow. Everything takes time. Those are my realities.
I think realizing your limitations and accepting yourself for who you are is one of the greatest accomplishments a person can achieve. You're leaps and bounds ahead of the people still clinging to a nearly impossible ideal. "Now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." -- John Steinbeck
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this. It's one of the most honest and uplifting things I've read in a long time. Hope you're doing well.
Thank you so much for your comment Kristen!
DeleteThis was a great post and something us Moms need to remember. We can only do our best and that's what counts! Hang in there girl, the time passes quickly. Soon he will be walking around and getting into everything and you will feel like pulling your hair out. But then he will also purposefully put his arms around you for a hug and give you big, wide open mouthed kisses and you will continue to realize that your love for him only gets stronger everyday, and even though everything is not "perfect" it really doesn't matter.
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