Throwing it away

The past three weeks I have had the opportunity to join a clinic weight loss group that promotes a rapid weight loss with a lifestyle change. So far I have almost lost 14 pounds through smaller portions sizes, lower carbs and being aware of what I am putting into my body.

I have always been aware of my weight and self image. Honestly, I have been all over the map with it. I have been heavier, I have been more in shape, I have been pregnant, I have have been lighter. When I started to gain weight, I was extremely uncomfortable with it. I never hated myself, I just knew I was heavier then I felt was healthy. I have a lot of knowledge of fitness and eating well, which at times I have ignored and at other times taken to heart. 

At one time I was living with a family who was very much love yourself no matter what size you are. And I would often say I was overweight and needed to lose weight and they would quickly state how I was just fine and beautiful the way I was. I understood the mentality they were trying to uphold but I was stating a fact. My weight was making me uncomfortable. I was never slighting my self worth by stating such facts, I was just recognizing and trying to solve the problem. And it was a problem for me. I don't like feeling unhealthy or losing my breath on a walk or having to buy bigger pants.

Recently I have been thinking about that experience and food and weight and health a lot because of how involved I have been in this program. Media is very pressuring to maintain a "hot body" persay but I find the retaliation a bit more disturbing. Pictures comparing anorexic to overweight women and which one you would prefer to be or be with, "curves" are better slogans and such. I AM NOT A THIN WOMEN but I take offense to the fact that people are trying to make unhealthy habits the norm. Whether it be too big or too small, it seems many seek to fight for acceptance for endangering their health. 

It is not healthy to be extremely overweight or underweight, that's a fact. I have a very blunt doctor who will tell me that I am getting too overweight or I am reaching a good level of health and I appreciate the honesty. Someone is finally honest. Because it's not ok to be overweight. It's an epidemic. Yesterday, during our meeting, my doctor had just returned from Vegas and he mentioned the overweight children and how sad it was to see an overweight 10 year old whose knees were already starting to be damaged by excess weight. He wanted to approach the parents and tell them how they were endangering their child's health by what was going in his mouth. And that was a child! Doesn't that just infuriate that the parents would take no responsibility in making sure their child had a healthy, balanced diet in order to enjoy their life to the fullest? Why do we not empower our children to be healthy and happy and active?

So throughout the last few weeks, I have decided that I would like to take control back of my life. I can't blame my weight on Christmas or the cake or others because I ATE IT. And it's hard to say no, it's hard to resist the temptation of overindulging. But I need to do this to be an example for my children and to be able to not be self conscious about how I look and to not feel like crap. I want and need to be healthy and I am not going to sit back and let people tell me to love my "curves" which are actually rolls of unnecessary body fat caused by copious amounts of sweets and greasy food. I already love myself enough to realize I need to change.   

So here's to throwing it away and the journey has just begun.